Fitbit Zip-shit

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Fitbit Zip Tracker

You know I’m here to protect you from the depredations of grifters and tricksters – flim-flam men and snake oil dealers.  You know that.  Well I’ve uncovered one of the most unethical and morally corrupt corporations out there and I’m here to protect you from them today.  My sad personal tale and my suffering should stand as a warning to all of you.  I’m willing to shoulder the shame that comes from admitting I’ve been bamboozled just for your sake.  I’m that big of a person.

Today’s whipping boy is the shameful and corrupt Fitbit corporation, makers of various fitness tracker devices that purport to help people digitally, electronically, track their fitness, steps, diet, and sleep.  Instead I’m going to show how this corporation is responsible for the death and disability of hundreds if not thousands of people here in the United States.

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The Culprit

Although Fitbit makes a number of high buck tracking devices, my particular expose has to do with the “affordable” tracking device called the Zip.  (see picture).  Well, this $50 piece of unadulterated crap and the corporation behind it are responsible for the most shocking lies and one of the most pernicious shell games ever played on people trying to extend their miserable lives.

I had one of these Zip pedometer trackers given to me by my sister for my birthday.  Now I’m carrying a little extra girth these days so I could stand to miss a few meals and take a few more steps.  I know this goes against the lifestyle I’ve laid out for you, but if I die who will take care of you, dear blog reader?  Nobody, that’s who.  So I may need to stick around a little longer than I’d like just to make sure you are okay.  Again, I’m that big a person.  My sister cares for my life and gave me this little canker as a symbol of her affection, so I could lose a few pounds and keep the ol’ ticker going.

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Worthless

Well I received the said device on July 14.  At precisely 10:15 am on August 4 the dog turd purported pedometer called the Zip stopped working.  It would not sync any longer to my Fitbit account.  I tried everything the worthless Fitbit troubleshooting guide website said to do to resurrect this little piece of hell on earth:  reinstall software, reset device, add as a new device, etc.  The computer saw the little thingy, my particular device, but kept insulting me by saying there was no account paired to the device.  I kindly contacted the Fitbit corporation by e-mail (no phone support, this should have started the alarm bells ringing) after doing everything the website suggested.  Little did I know that this would open one of the most damaging experiences in my short stay on this mortal coil.

After giving me a bit of a runaround about taking it back to the store it was bought at (Target), they reluctantly agreed to send me a new Zip.  They even admitted my device was defective.  I was as happy as a clam at high tide.  I even complimented the corporation, a certain Nancy R and the Fitbit Team,  in my e-mail and said I would recommend their company’s products because their customer service was so helpful.  Oh dear reader, did I make a grave mistake.

In due time the second implement of fitness evil arrived, a new Zip.  Groovy.  All is well with the world.  I disable the old device and log into my Fitbit account.  I insert the USB dongle.  I install the software (for the third time!).  The computer sees my new little tracker.  I go to “add a new device” and it asks me for the dreaded four-digit code starting with zero (this had worked with the first device).  To my utter bafflement there was no code displayed below the four little cubes on my computer screen.  I hit the “Try Again” button.  No dice.  I see that it says below to click here for help.  I click.  I see the same worthless troubleshooting guide on the Fitbit website.  Rage ensues.  I rail about the insidious device on both the Amazon and Target websites.

I notice something on the Amazon website, 10% of the ratings for the Zip are one-star, if you add the two-star, 17%.  I read the reviews.  All say the same:  “quit working, wouldn’t sync after X days, weeks, months.” (no more than the number 3 for X)  Is something fishy in Denmark?  Is there a faggot in the woodpile?  You betcha.  Fitbit has been flooding the world with these worthless little defective pedometer trackers for months, and knows it.  How do I know, because each one of these Amazon complaints has the same comment from Fitbit attached to it:

Randolph,

We’re sorry to hear that. We’re always happy to help you get setup. Please reach out (sic) to us at contact.fitbit.com for help. In your email, please include a link to this Amazon review, for reference. We very much look forward to hearing from you.

Best,
Fitbit Support

Here is my Amazon review:

Piece of crap. Stick with Nike products. After my first Fitbit quit working (would not sync suddenly), complained to Fitbit and they kindly sent me a second one. When this one would not give me the four digit zero-code too, I tried EVERYTHING on the Fitbit website to resurrect both devices. The computer sees the device but either won’t give me the zero-code nor pair with my account. Yes, I did everything, I am not computer illiterate. I spent literally hours reinstalling software, etc. My time is worth something too. This is $50 wasted.

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Now here is the really criminal part.  Some people purchased these hateful things for themselves or loved ones because they love and care about them.  Maybe they spent their last $50.  They want them to live a bit longer, be able to spend more quality time with them before they take the big sleep.  Now what happens?  The device fails, not just ruining physical fitness programs but raising blood pressure at the same time.  And where, my dear friend, does this lead? Premature death because of the defective Zip device.  Peoples’ lives ruined as they abandon health regimes the happy Zip face promised them.  Heart attacks and strokes at the frustration of trying to follow the Fitbit “support” advice for the umpteenth time.  Do you see where I’m going?  This is not just having your iPhone break, not being able to text, but your very life essence drained as you despair about your wasted and now hopeless fitness program.  Bingeing on Twinkies now to soothe a savaged soul.  All because of the evil Fitbit corporation.

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Well dear friends, I’m not taking this lying down.  Well yes I am.  Trying to get MY blood pressure under control even as I pass the word on to you.

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Where the Zip will leave you.

I know,I know, I should have taken my own advice and always expected to be disappointed, and I see now how true this is especially when it comes to Fitbit.

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Crap

Doctor Crap?

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Somewhere in the David Tennant era the train came off the tracks. It started to be about romance, too many episodes were on earth, there were too many folks following the Doctor around and related to him, too much self-reference to previous lives and eras, too many people actually saying “Doctor Who?” out loud. Too few good stories.  Steven Moffat took control and things really got awful. In the last few years I can only think of a handful of episodes I really enjoyed. I think the Doctor actors have come off pretty well as characters, but especially Matt Smith was fed almost nothing but crap for scripts. He did as well as he could.

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If you go back to the first era the series really petered out during the Colin Baker and Sylvester McCoy Doctors. BBC screwed up the franchise then with poor writers and poor choices for Doctors seeing it still as a children’s program with little potential beyond that, and it’s on the verge now. Similar to what NBC did to Star Trek in the ’60s.  Capaldi is a good choice for an actor but somebody has to hand him a bloody script.

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Doctor What?

You cannot save this by bringing back the Daleks to menace the earth once again. How many times have we seen that? Quit bringing back “beloved” characters from previous episodes, eras, without some original and exciting writing to go with it.  Piss on the romance.  It was always about affection not romance.  A certain amount of sexual tension is good until outright romance jumps the shark; a grasping at simpering sentimentality instead of good writing.

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The Current Problem?

I missed Dr. Who when it went off the air in 1989 and I miss it now.

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Classic Doctor Who

Treeless

IMG_20131014_114226_5592Well my dumb-ass neighbors cut down all the trees in their yard.  Yep, I have pictures.  I guess it’s their right and whatever but geez talk about taking the property values down besides the cost to have a bunch of rednecks come in and do it.  These weren’t diseased or anything.  These were BIG trees.  My neighbor is just too lazy to rake his leaves.  He has been hacking down the larger trees in his lot for several years now and pruning the ones that are left real goofy so they look like those alien trees with all the leaves way up high and nothing down low, no branches or anything.  Now where I live you want all the trees you can have because the sun beats down like a bastard most of the year.

I bitched and moaned all day at the tree service for trespassing on my property and I was watching them like a hawk to make sure they didn’t fell something into my yard.  I made ’em move the logs and stuff they kept putting over my property line.  I was pretty much an asshole all day.  My neighbors weren’t home at the time but I’m sure the tree service guys told them how nice and friendly I’d been all day.

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My neighbor is goofy anyway.  He has three beemers and says he can’t afford to have a second kid.  He said he had to buy a beemer station wagon when they had the one kid because he couldn’t stand to not drive a performance car.  He got rid of cable and DISH but pays these geezers to come chop down all these perfectly fine trees.  He leaves his family to go to races and stuff by himself even though his kid is still little.  He designs tires for a living but he hates his job, he pretty much hates to do anything he doesn’t wanna do, which I guess is alright, but he’s still nuts.  He does everything for himself and pretty much ignores everyone else including his own little family.  I’m glad I’m not selfish like that.

What they don’t know is there is a curse on their house.  The Stephen King kind.  It’s worked its black magic in the past so I figure with all this new Mother Nature bad karma hanging around now it’s bound to get the thing recharged.  It’s nearly All Hallows Eve so what better time to bring down some hoodoo-voodoo?  See the last two occupants of the house each ended up divorced after just a few years.  Now I don’t wish anything bad on anyone…

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Pointless

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Well here’s todays installment of me foaming at the mouth. As you can plainly see it’s called Pointless, and if you haven’t already figured out that it’s going to be a waste of your time then you’re on the wrong side of the mean.

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Pointless

Anyway, here we go. Where to start? A bunch of years ago (you already know I’m not looking it up!) a scientist/anthropologist sort of Viking guy name Thor Heyerdahl built this raft using prehistoric methods and materials. He launched it into the Pacific Ocean. Eventually he landed using only primitive means and supplies on a Polynesian island. So, you’re gonna say this was pointless, oh no effendi, this had a very good reason. Let’s just make one thing clear, this scientist was the first person in the historic era to do anything like this and he wrote about it. This is very important so quit nodding off. Why? He was trying to see if prehistoric man could have populated all of Polynesia; if they had all the means and knowhow to achieve this. This was important because a lot of scientists were skeptical and there were conflicting theories about how Polynesia could have been populated. Heyerdahl proved that some guys in prehistoric times would have all they needed to push off from the continents to eventually find and populate all the islands. It didn’t prove that this is what happened but it proved all the guys wrong that said it couldn’t have happened this way. It also showed just how early or late Polynesia could have been settled. This is how science proceeds you waterheads.

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Hero – Scientist

Now somewhere along the line another guy got the idea to do the same thing as Heyerdahl, exactly the same way. This is the most important thing I’m going to tell you so write it down, this guy’s escapade was pointless. Why? Heyerdahl had already done it. There was nothing further to be proved by a second trip. Even if this second guy died trying, it proved nothing since Heyerdahl had already proved it could be done. Nobody really cared that you could die doing it. Everyone already knew this. There were probably a lot of prehistoric guys who sailed off and died trying. So why did this second modern guy do this silly thing. Was he really stupid? Was he crazy? Probably not, after all even doing a lousy job would require a lot of planning and intelligence. Hmmmm. You wanna know why he did it? Because he’s an egotistical and selfish bastard, a piece of human scum, that’s why.

Hold on a minute you say, here’s a brave and intelligent fellow. He’s taking on this dangerous quest all alone with no modern contrivances. No he’s a selfish ego-driven idiot and a bane on humankind; someone never to be held up as a role model. I’m going to prove this to you so pay attention. Why? Because he does this out of his own selfish reasons, to prove some pointless fact about his courage and brilliance, plus he probably counts on us to risk our lives to bail him out if things go awry. He’s nothing but a spendthrift thrill seeker hoping you’ll be a big enough sucker to support him/her and say “well done” and have a parade when he/she maybe comes back. He’s a dumb ass swindler. A flim-flam man.

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Heroes – Explorers

Here’s another thing I heard that’s a little different but equally pointless. In the early part of the 20th century a lot of folks were trying to be the first to the South Pole in Antarctica. This has at least some little merit from a scientific standpoint but it was basically another attempt to explore a place NOBODY had gone to before. There were two groups that went to the Pole, a British team and a Norwegian guy. Well the Norwegian guy got there first because he had a better plan and somewhat better luck. The British guys all died coming back, so the fact that they reached the Pole second almost doesn’t count because you’ve got to get back to tell about it to say it’s successful.

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Dumb Ass

Now fast forward to modern times. People go to the South Pole all the time. People even live there in a sort of moon-base setup now. But here come some dumb-asses that want to go to the South Pole just like the British team did in 1911 (circa), man-hauling sledges, to “prove” that it could be done. What? First we already know it could be done. It was done by a Norwegian guy with a dogsled. It is also pretty certain that with a little better luck and maybe planning the British team would have gotten back as well. In addition, this is not like Heyerdahl’s experiment because we already know how people got to the South Pole, it’s no mystery. On top of this there are all sorts of less dangerous ways to get to the South Pole. You should use these before you resort to early 20th century technology and depend on us to save your ass in case of trouble. This newest expedition is pointless and a waste of time and money, no reason for accolades; an egotistical display of wasted time, money, and effort. An expensive and foolish hobby. And unnecessarily dangerous and risky.

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Hero – Explorer

We see this all the time: somebody we know summits Mt. Everest, they’re somehow a better or deeper souled person than we are. No they’re as selfish as the guy down the street who spent $50,000 on a car. We already know somebody can get to the top of Mt. Everest, hundreds of people have done it. Planes fly higher. Real brave explorers have even walked on the moon, think about that. Now here is something to crow about: being launched in a tin can 250,000 airless miles with a pocket calculator for guidance and actually getting there and all the way back in one piece with rocks to prove you were there (uh, oh here come the loonies talking about the back-lot in New Mexico again). We actually learned a lot of stuff in the process unlike the guy who summits Everest without oxygen. Big deal!

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More Dumb Asses

The last part is these fools put other people’s lives at risk with their egotistical and foolish behavior. How many times do we hear about the Coast Guard trying to pluck some retard out of a boat in a hurricane when they were trying to sail around the world alone? I say let the dumb asses drown. Why put a CG helicopter crew at risk for some dummy that doesn’t have the sense to crew his sailboat or come in out of the storm. This person put themselves intentionally in peril and we’re supposed to die to save them. I don’t think so! It’s like tying yourself to a potential suicide standing on a building ledge 30 stories up, a real bad idea. We’re supposed to come rescue these idiots when they express their ego-driven Darwinian behavior? It’s fake heroics. Heroics without purpose is just a waste of everything.

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Another Dumb Ass

What I’m trying to say is all these stunters that are always trying to get support for their “expeditions” are nothing but leeches. Their time, money, and effort could be channeled into something useful. The problem is they get no accolades for their courage for building and staffing a soup kitchen. What kind of lousy accomplishment is that? There are all sorts of people everyday that are doing brave things with a point that don’t have this incredible ego thing going on and wasting our oxygen. Think about a fireman going into a burning building for a child, a regular cop who never knows if the next drunk isn’t going to go berserk at a traffic stop, an ambulance driver in Afghanistan, Mother Teresa helping infectious lepers. There are tons of deserving and heroic people making a difference in life, science, spirituality, etc. that really put it on the line and for a real reason, not pointlessness.

So be careful when you hold these “models” up your children or others. They aren’t role models. They are egotistical selfish people displaying dangerous behaviors. Is that who you want your kids to look up to and emulate?

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A Real Hero

So I’m never going to jump out of an airplane and rely on a bed sheet to keep me from hitting the ground unless the plane is going to crash because then it’s the less risky, less foolish, less pointless option. And if I make it I don’t expect anybody to be patting me on the back for how brave I was in saving my own sorry ass.

Blogging for the Semi-Retarded

Heh, heh, heh, I’ll figure this thing out eventually. I moved my “baby picture” and bio to the “About” page and that was a minor miracle.

So what’s this going to be about? Well you can see the title so figure it out. Anyway you’re going to hate it so stop wasting your time here and go do something useful like one of those Facebook multiplayer games. Go. Now. Really. You don’t want to be here. Nothing’s going to happen here that you cannot recreate at home in your own sweet time. Okay, if you like watching me drooling in my shoe go ahead. Your funeral, as they say. Hasn’t the internet made life so much more meaningful?

Oh, I should put a picture or something here because that’s what draws ’em in.

There we go… scan0002