The International Feel

globe3t

No, I’m not talking about groping foreigners so all you NSA peepers can leave now.

What I want to talk about is the increase and predominance of non-US hits this blog is getting.  Either I’ve managed to thoroughly piss off the OUS community or people outside the United States are starting to now do what you in the US have only been able to do up ’til now:  apply my life-changing formulas to your lives.  I know which one I’m voting for.

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Unlike people in the US, Europeans have long embraced my concept of a D-minus effort. Europeans enjoy months of vacation annually along with a holiday practically every-other week.  In addition, work weeks are often legislated to be less than 40 hours and nobody has to worry about health insurance, so I’m surprised any Europeans or Canadians work at all since this lack is what primarily entices many Americans into the workforce in the first place. On top of this, scandalous unemployment has made, by comparison, the US look like the land of milk and honey it most certainly isn’t.

It is also clear that most foreigners embrace the concept of always making sure somebody else is that last guy.

Hey, now that I think of it, maybe I’m just preaching to the choir here.  Perhaps most OUS hits are just losers affirming their lifestyle.  Sometimes people just like to be reassured of things they already knew deep down inside.

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What Foreigners Do for Fun

The worst thing about traveling internationally is television.  Except for imported US programs, the fare produced and broadcast overseas is distinctly inferior.  Britain is particularly bad with endless parlor dramas and talking heads all produced by the government.  The fact that some of these shows are actually imported to America is beyond me.  Most of them end up on public television, in other words US socialist TV.  Hardly anyone except a few really old people watch public TV in the US so these imports hardly make a dent in the A+ prime US television offerings.  The programs are mostly old so you get elderly US tourists to the UK going on about episodes of Eastenders from decades ago.  East Germany had the worst TV I ever saw.  France was the best with triple-X programs on the cable late at night that made Skinemax look like Mr. Rogers.  In Japan the only thing going was the seemingly endless pop music programs.

I digress…

Finally I urge all my international fans to embrace the concept of always expecting the worst. This will leave you never disappointed.  I especially recommend this for people in the former Soviet Union, Eastern Europe, and any countries afflicted in the “Arab Spring.” Countries like Greece, Spain, Ireland, and Portugal should take heed also.

tough love

Anyway, I just wanted to thank all the international readers that support my jingoistic American rants, er, essential essays.

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Hijacked

One thing that pisses me off is words that have been hijacked and/or rendered unusable by the ignorant politically correct crowd. These are perfectly good words that you might find in early 20th century or 19th century literature but have somehow been hijacked or otherwise consigned to the scrap heap of literature.

Hijacked Words:
Queer: queer used to denote odd, strange, or eerie. Somewhere along the way it was purloined to mean a homosexual, usually male. To use queer now in a sentence where the object is a person is to be perpetually misunderstood.

Gay: A gay person used to be a happy soul. The “gay” community stole the word to mean a homosexual of either gender but usually male. I hate particularly that this word was hijacked because it always was a useful synonym. To use gay in its original sense in a phrase is to almost always invite misunderstanding now.

Faggot: A faggot is a bundle of sticks period, as in “There’s a faggot in the woodpile.” to denote a thing out of place. I still use this word in its original sense just to piss people off.

Dike: an obvious hijack from its original meaning of a dam or seawall of some sort, as in: “Did you hear the one about the little Dutch boy who put his finger in the seawall to stop the flood? No but there’s nothing I like better than a good dike story.” He, he, he.

Tit: a tit is a bird. A teat is a mammary gland. ‘Nuff said.

To “come” is to arrive or journey to somewhere with a purpose, not an orgasm. I love to use this in a double entendre sense as well.

Corn hole: Where did the prurient sense of “corn hole” come from? It doesn’t make any sense. Corn hole is a bean bag game, like bean bag toss.

Words pc idiots have taken out of general usage since the stupid have misconstrued their real meaning:

Denigrate, to belittle. The obvious misunderstanding I attribute to the flaws in our education system.

Probably the worst misunderstood word in the English language is “niggardly.” It means miserly and always did. It was never applied in a racial sense, never. Again I blame the school system and the fact that even most teachers don’t read anything anymore. I have even heard of kids being chastised for its use, where in fact they should have been praised for their upscale vocabulary.

And finally, words that are just misused, gambit for gamut, could for couldn’t etc. These are just too countless to really go into.

Finally, a “safe deposit box” is an armored container in a vault. I’m not sure what a “safety deposit box” is, maybe some sort of container you put safety items in for a rainy day like ropes, reflectors, and flares. Look it up.