Foreign Invasion

maxresdefault

Now I watch a lot of broadcast TV and you should too.  It’s the best way to gather information about the world other than the dark web but you aren’t ready for that. Patience.

When I’m not watching the #1 rated drama on US network television, NCIS, or one of its clones, on Sunday nights I sometimes creep over to the so-called “Public” television outlets on my high speed digital network.  Now today, in this 21st Century Comb-Over Era, perception and expectation are everything, and I expect to only perceive British accents over on what we will now call for brevity’s sake, the PBS television network.

download (1)

On a Sunday evening I expect to relax to some BBC 19th century parlor drama on my local public television station.  Some programs on Public Television are actually from other UK production outlets like the commercial ITV.  This is fine by me as long as they get the accent right.  I’m as free market as the next yob when it comes to high brow television. But what’s got me really upset now is that they are starting to screen inferior accented series from Australia and New Zealand on public television.  As if we couldn’t tell the difference between a British accent and an Aussie accent.  Some people may be fooled, but not me. When I see my Pride and Prejudice I don’t want anybody popping off to Outback Steakhouse during the sponsor breaks at pledge time.

Unlike the US, Australia and New Zealand are just down in the mouth British colonies that couldn’t make it on their own.  Australia is just a shabby California. There’s nothing high brow or hoity-toity about these convict transportation camps that would interest the more advanced American viewers of TV like myself.  It’s shameful to screen ersatz Brideshead Revisiteds next to genuine smart English television content.  You can always perceive when someone is trying to make it on the cheap. Substitute margarine for butter.  Made in Polynesia for made in the UK.  A downturn in pledge dollars doesn’t have to mean a sacrifice in quality.  How much could reruns of Good Neighbors or As Time Goes By cost?  As in all British TV, economical production values are overcome by high brow accents and big words where smaller words would normally suffice on large budget US TV programs like NCIS.  That’s what the literate public TV viewer expects.  Not G’day or throw another kangaroo on the barbie.  Public TV has lost its rudder.

64b712be458b1336d3fb1b9c9cd00d7c

Alistair Cooke – More American than Apple Pie

Now we accept Irish, Scots, and Welsh or even Indian accents in our public television content because these are necessary for verisimilitude especially when properly accented English people are really in charge.  This is only logical.  Every country has its aboriginal peoples.  Even America has Southern accents, but nobody is going to believe a documentary series about our founding fathers where people talk like they are from Atlanta or Sydney, people expect a British accent, and a low budget British production in some dreary castle would be even better.  After all who is better suited to present past glories than the British?  Nobody in America wants to see stories about small villages in the 1940s, or the 19th century in Australia or New Zealand and if public TV thinks they can foist this on American pledge givers as British programming just because cable network BBC America now gets the cream of British programming, along with the Star Trek franchise, well they need to wake up and smell the tea brewing.  Pasty complexions, bad teeth and posh accents are what we expect on Sunday night.

Now with Brexit on the horizon the fear is that even more Oceania programming will make it onto the lucrative US public TV market.  I say don’t stand for it.  God Save the Queen! Vote with your pledge dollars. Sure you can expect lower production values in British television as a result but these can always be overcome with longer words and posher accents.  More specials with dead 1950s and ’60s doo wop and pop groups are no substitute for high brow British mini series.

0ab69675ed0107198dde3a9225336701--pbs-mystery-mystery-theater

One yearns for the days when Alistair Cooke introduced Masterpiece with the proper Theater sup-pended to it.  However, Alan Cummings, although with a Scots accent, is almost more an American staple than Cooke.  Now if only the current content were as good.

I say put the Theater back in Masterpiece and take the Masterpiece out of Mystery.  Don’t stand for inferior colonial programming.  The next thing you know they’ll be putting programming from the ultimate failed colony, Canada, on public TV.  The most patriotic thing you can do today is write to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting or your local PBS station to keep our American public television exclusively British.

2625_original

 

 

 

Advertisements

Vive la France!

french flag

I’ve been reading a bit of history (get over it, I’m smarter than you are.) recently and I began to wonder why the US has considered the United Kingdom to be their closest ally seemingly forever.  After all we (the US, I mean) fought two wars against Britain (and kicked their ass both times even though Britain was supposedly unbeatable at the time).  Britain is also the only country that ever attacked the continental US (we beat their ass that time as well).  At the same time the French were allies against Britain even sending their army and navy over to help us beat the British asses, and probably saved us in the Revolutionary War (that’s the Colonial War in North America for the limeys here).  France is a republic, and has been for a long time now, while the UK is still a detestable hereditary monarchy.  Other than a mostly common language, why is Britain considered our big buddy?

425px-Gilbert_du_Motier_Marquis_de_Lafayette

General Lafayette

I really think France should be celebrated as the United States’ closest and best ever ally, not the UK.  I’m liking that.  France gave us the Statue of Liberty too.  What did Britain ever give us except onerous taxes, no representation, killing a bunch of us, and burning down the White House too.  Well, there is Dr. Who.  So I still say screw the UK and Vive la France!

01ec9174ccdb84e6138f073b4353ab4a_large

As a side note, I live near a place where the Battle of Great Cane Brake was in 1775.  There were no British soldiers just loyalists-Tories and Americans (he, he).  It wasn’t a big battle but it is in most books.  The Americans were sick of having all their crops and livestock impressed for the British.  They ambushed the loyalists and ran ’em off.  Good riddance to bad rubbish I say.  They celebrate it every year with a re-enactment.  I like seeing all the loyalists laying on the ground at the end.  Oh, and I don’t live too far from Kings Mountain and Cowpens and we roughed up the cowardly Bloody Tarleton and his loyalist rabble there too.  So when somebody says that the British are our best ally, I think:  when did some French guy ever try to kill an American on American soil?  The French and Indian wars don’t count because they were fighting the wretched British back then.  We colonists weren’t smart enough then to know which side our bread would soon be buttered on.  We still thought that loopy King liked us “subjects.”

q-icon-scottish-flag-3

Digression #2.  My heritage is Scottish/Irish and a bit of Dane mixed in.  I have to think some wise-ass limey hereditary Dook or Lord was responsible for making my ancestors’ lives so unbearable that they felt they had to make a treacherous journey to some far flung wilderness in the New World just to survive.  This thought kind of bums me out as well.  I’ll get my bit of petty revenge though when the Scots vote to bail out of the whole wretched mess of hereditary monarchy soon.  I’m sure the rest of the Irish and the Welsh won’t be too far behind.  Then the British Isles will make the Balkans look like a collection of big countries.

e86e3527789e84f605ed13fc35bdd568-d4o3hds

Shut It Down

government-shutdownWell they say the government is shut down but you couldn’t tell by me.  The television is still on and my internet still works so I can still download those “short” films I need.  I even got some junk mail today  Some guys were repaving a road near my house and the cops were still looking for speeders.  The Affordable Care Act was up and running although a little clogged up by all those people that didn’t want affordable health insurance.  So what’s the big deal with the federal government shutting down?  Maybe we should take an extended holiday.  I hope the tax man is sitting at home saying:  “I’m screwed because people didn’t send in enough taxes.”  That’d serve him right. us-national-park-service-yosemite-closed-230x300Somebody told me the National Parks are closed now.  So what?  Give ’em back to nature or better yet the Indians they stole them from.  Just pack up and throw the keys to the nearest reservation and say, “sorry we ruined part of it.”  Nobody really ever wanted to hike or bike or raft or camp in them anyway.  People just say they want to do that kind of stuff to impress their friends but they really wanna watch TV.  I bet the Indians would take better care of it than the federal government did anyway.  Pull up all the asphalt and make it nice again.

I read that the Post Office is $6 billion dollars in the hole too.  I don’t get this.  First why didn’t they already shut down like yesterday with a debt like that?  They were already out of money before the federal government was.  They could just pile all the stuff behind the post office and you could wade through it to find your stuff, your credit card apps and such. Depression

Nobody who actually wants to get something ever mails it anyway.  They use those UPS or FedEx outfits.  I know that only the post office can deliver a letter but not if you put it in a little box first.  Then anyone can deliver it.  You can just say you’re sending some paper to your grandmother and off it goes.  Besides people like getting a box to open instead of just an envelope.  It’s more exciting.  These other outfits can’t put anything in a mailbox because you don’t own it, the Post Office does!  Did you know that?  So the UPS dude has to come to your door just like the Post Office used to, that way it’s kinda like the good ol’ days anyway.

UPSNobody is gonna miss the junk mail either and and it saves a lot of trees.

Anyway the federal government looks like it’ll be shutdown for awhile and that’s not necessarily bad.  Think of the traffic in D.C. that will free up.  Everyone can go on vacation before it gets too cold.  A lot of people like me probably won’t even notice for a long time.  Eventually things like the Hoover Dam and stuff will fall down if no one takes care of it but I bet some savvy power company will buy it.   The War on Drugs will have to be sidelined and eventually the military will have to come back to the US just to save a few bucks.  Who’s gonna pay for that one way ticket home?  I guess they could just tell everyone, “you’re on your own, do the best ya can.”  The people in the military could probably get enough money by selling their weapons and stuff for a ticket home, especially if they shared. Embassies would be a little more difficult but they are usually in the better neighborhoods so you could sell them and probably get everyone home even from crappy countries. The immigration problem will take care of itself because when all the illegals realize the government is shut down they’ll leave because they can’t get any benefits anymore.

I dunno, the more I think about it the more I think we should just leave the federal government shut down.  Those guys we all voted for never did anything we really wanted anyway.

government_shutdown