Sorry

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In my favorite TV show, NCIS, Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs has a list of rules that he uses to pretty much run his life.  Like rule number 9 is “Always carry a knife.”  Pretty useful, huh.  You could do worse, and probably do, by not writing things like this, that I tell you, down.  Now NCIS has really gone downhill since the Ziva and Tony glory days but some things are timeless, and Gibbs’ rules are one of those timeless things and one of his rules is “Never apologize, it’s a sign of weakness.”  Well I’m gonna be weak here because 1) I’ve let you down by ignoring you dear blog time waster so long, and 2) I posted all those dumb book reviews from Booklikes.  Why read these days when you can watch TV almost anywhere, so why review books?  Time waster.  Life waster.  Bandwidth waster.  I apologize.

Now that that’s out of the way, I want to remind you; I don’t really want to say I told you so, but I told you so, so I’m going to say it:  the comb-over is a problem.  Way back in June of 2013 I said this.  Here’s the link:

Comb Over

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President Donald Trump with Convicted Felon Joe Arpaio

I know our world has other more serious problems, like the Mayweather-McGregor fight, or the Kardashians starting to wear down a few teeth, but now you see you need to go back over my prior blog posts and review my sage advice.  You’ll be better for it.  Our country will be better for it, and our planet will be better for it.

Mark Harmon has never sported a comb-over.  Remember, I told you so…

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IPA My Ass

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Pretty cool, two April Fool’s jokes on the same blog?  Woot helped me out, but I did most of the heavy lifting.  You saps went for it hook, line, and, sinker!  All around the world even!  Did that make my day, or what?  I told you I’m putting in 110% for you and there you are, proof positive.  Your dreary world got that much brighter because I put down the US government spies in a daft way and slipped (pun intended!) that Rhonda Shear bra thing in as well.  Wasn’t that a hoot?  I even thought about buying one myself just to show Woot my appreciation, but I’m not that dumb or wealthy.

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No May Day posts though.  It’s a communist pagan holiday like Labor Day.  We don’t go for that here.  Communism is like an enforced D minus effort and Liberty is what we are about; even if everyone would be better off in a D minus world.  If you are stupid enough to not follow my easy, I mean easy, like no effort at all, life principles, well that’s your problem and I’ll defend your right to choose that desperate way of life all the way to the point where I have to use you as a human shield to defend that principle.  Like I’ve said before, I’ve got your back even if you choose to be a human sandbag for me.

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Whoa, steady in the boat there boy.  I got a little worked up.  Someday I’ll tell you why communism is the only thing worse than rampant capitalism as a world system (I know one is economic and the other is political, I’m not a ‘tard).  Some other day when you are ready for it.  Not now.  All things in good time.

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Okay here is another heads up and on-target essay so pay attention, no napping. The swill we used to call Malt Liquor is now referred to as Ale.  Yeah, the high alcohol content brew that was for low-down drinking is now being foisted off on the public under designer and “craft” brew labels as India Pale Ale.  Now I don’t drink anymore ’cause it interferes with my ability to try to make your life better, but I used to drink, a lot, and you can make of that what you want but right now today it makes me better than a swill-head like you so listen up.

When I used to buy a case of Mickey’s in college people gave me a hard time.  They said I was going downscale ethnically.  Being a man who ignored the bigot, I bought it anyway, better buzz, better value.

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Well some bootleggers keen on evading government taxes got the bright idea if they could convince lawmakers to waive the tax on “amateur” brewing for “home” use it would be a good idea, for them.  No doubt some grease was applied.  ‘Nuff said.

Then these so-called home brewers wanted to share some of their 20 proof bathtub jack with their “friends,” and maybe serve some ribs on the side, so voila, the brewpub was born, again tax free with a little more lubricant applied. Now these clever entrepreneurs figured if they could convince the gullible, ie you, that this brew pub thing was upscale, then they could pick 5 bucks off you for a glass of their hooch.  They quit calling it just beer and created the craft lager and ale market.

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From there it was just a matter of scaling things up and signing up more rubes (with some more grease, of course) to buy their dishwater basement brau in the supermarket or gas station.  All that for what we used to call cheap malt liquor. The stuff is nasty, bitter and sweet flavored at the same time.  Then they started throwing apples, blueberries, oranges, and similar adulterants in to get the ladies onboard.  Chumps and snobs.

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Now you can’t get a Budweiser in a bar for all the taps that are dedicated to these and other “imported” (from Canada) bathtub gray water beverages. Well, you can just drink this overpriced crap with dead rats in it if you want.  If I want a malt liquor, I’m getting a Mickey’s or a Cobra, something that burns going down, not something that gives you a sinus headache and makes my breath smell like Chanel No. 5.  Go for it, it’s not my money.

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I’m working up a Wiccan article for Walpurgisnacht, April 30, so just be patient, and if I don’t give you one, well if you are following this blog you are also used to being disappointed, and you expected as much, so it can’t get any worse now, can it? Have a Nice Day!  Go pop one for me.

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Life

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I know a lot of you have been waiting with baited breath for my next post, but I’ve been busy; unlike you I’ve been busy with this thing called Life.  Oh sure, I’m still putting in 110% for you but now I have to put in 210% just to keep up with life too.  And unlike you I don’t have a lot of “free time” on my hands jerking at work on your computer while you should be working on that spreadsheet and graph to make your boss look better.  I also don’t want to waste your time with posts that are about nothing at all, although I happen to know you have a lot of time and something else on your hands.  Unlike other bloggers my posts are always full of useful and important content, not just me blabbing about how I was constipated yesterday but now I’m okay.  Who wants to read something like that?  Other bloggers think you want to know whenever they pick their nose.  Nobody wants that.  Even somebody as important as the President of the United States, you wouldn’t want to know when he picks his nose, now would you?  So I don’t waste your already worthless life with things that are not relevant to it and are all about me.

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Be patient, as it says in Ecclesiastes:  there is a time for everything, or something like that.

That International Feel post wasn’t that great.  I’m a big man, in more ways than one, so I’m big enough to admit it was a D minus effort, but that’s water under the bridge, as they say.  Unlike most of you I don’t make the same mistake twice so you don’t have to wait for another opportunity to poke your finger in my eye.  Ain’t gonna happen.  Get over it.

 

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NSA Liberty

Hey, I bought this NSA t-shirt from Woot.com.  The folks over there know about real patriotism.  It says “NSA” but if you look really close it has all these little quotes from The Constitution,  Thomas Jefferson, and Thomas Paine, and their ilk, about freedom that makes up the NSA letters.  I don’t expect many of you to know much about this or these guys but they are the true patriots of history and said way back then (18th century) that the NSA was bad and was going to spy on American citizens if somebody wasn’t vigilant and rat out the “Organization.”  Back then the NSA just peeped in your window and opened your mail, but now it’s way more sophisticated as I’ve pointed out in previous posts.  Pretty cool, huh?  I suppose if I wear it in Washington “somebody” will just stick a microscopic poison pellets in my leg and that’ll be it.  One of those cardboard box campers will end up wearing my shirt.  The price of freedom.

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Well I just wanted you to know I wasn’t dead but I’m also not one of those bloggers to put up a long post about nothing at all just so I can see my name in print.  So until the muse calls again, I’ll be silent.

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Vive la France!

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I’ve been reading a bit of history (get over it, I’m smarter than you are.) recently and I began to wonder why the US has considered the United Kingdom to be their closest ally seemingly forever.  After all we (the US, I mean) fought two wars against Britain (and kicked their ass both times even though Britain was supposedly unbeatable at the time).  Britain is also the only country that ever attacked the continental US (we beat their ass that time as well).  At the same time the French were allies against Britain even sending their army and navy over to help us beat the British asses, and probably saved us in the Revolutionary War (that’s the Colonial War in North America for the limeys here).  France is a republic, and has been for a long time now, while the UK is still a detestable hereditary monarchy.  Other than a mostly common language, why is Britain considered our big buddy?

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General Lafayette

I really think France should be celebrated as the United States’ closest and best ever ally, not the UK.  I’m liking that.  France gave us the Statue of Liberty too.  What did Britain ever give us except onerous taxes, no representation, killing a bunch of us, and burning down the White House too.  Well, there is Dr. Who.  So I still say screw the UK and Vive la France!

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As a side note, I live near a place where the Battle of Great Cane Brake was in 1775.  There were no British soldiers just loyalists-Tories and Americans (he, he).  It wasn’t a big battle but it is in most books.  The Americans were sick of having all their crops and livestock impressed for the British.  They ambushed the loyalists and ran ’em off.  Good riddance to bad rubbish I say.  They celebrate it every year with a re-enactment.  I like seeing all the loyalists laying on the ground at the end.  Oh, and I don’t live too far from Kings Mountain and Cowpens and we roughed up the cowardly Bloody Tarleton and his loyalist rabble there too.  So when somebody says that the British are our best ally, I think:  when did some French guy ever try to kill an American on American soil?  The French and Indian wars don’t count because they were fighting the wretched British back then.  We colonists weren’t smart enough then to know which side our bread would soon be buttered on.  We still thought that loopy King liked us “subjects.”

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Digression #2.  My heritage is Scottish/Irish and a bit of Dane mixed in.  I have to think some wise-ass limey hereditary Dook or Lord was responsible for making my ancestors’ lives so unbearable that they felt they had to make a treacherous journey to some far flung wilderness in the New World just to survive.  This thought kind of bums me out as well.  I’ll get my bit of petty revenge though when the Scots vote to bail out of the whole wretched mess of hereditary monarchy soon.  I’m sure the rest of the Irish and the Welsh won’t be too far behind.  Then the British Isles will make the Balkans look like a collection of big countries.

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Anarchy in the Ukraine

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Russian Backed Ukraine Crackdown

Update:  Well now the former (yeah, right) Soviet Republic of Russia has invaded the former Soviet Republic of Ukraine.  If people didn’t think that the former Soviet Republic of Georgia wasn’t just a Russian warm-up to imperialistically invading, occupying, and ultimately reabsorbing parts that were formerly the USSR, well then you’re just plain stupid.  This is going to make American imperialism look naive by comparison and the Yugoslavian breakup look like a day in the park.  Too bad nobody but the poor Ukranians on the ground are going to fight against it.  

If this had happened to say West Germany in 1972 would we be sitting around on our asses and just wringing our hands?  What do we have all these nuclear weapons for?  If the enemy doesn’t credibly think you will use them, then we might as well throw them all away.

Oh, and why does the media keep calling it an invasion of the Crimea?  If somebody invaded California they wouldn’t say California was invaded, they’d say the United States of America had been invaded.  Let’s call a spade a spade:  the Ukraine has been invaded.

What happens when they start invading places that weren’t even part of the USSR?  I believe we in the West will eventually look on the USSR as “the good ol’ days.”

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Ras-Putin “former” KGB agent and present General Secretary of the Communist Party and International Public Enemy #1

While the Soviet Union, er, I mean the former Soviet Republic of Russia hosts the the Wintercon, in Sochi their puppet government in the Ukraine continues to violently oppose the will of their own people to have closer ties to the EU in the hopes of someday joining this confederation of peaceful autonomous states.

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Crimean Welcoming Committee

This just proves once again that thetyrannical country of the Soviet Union, er, I mean Russia never

deserved the choice of being the Olympic host.  Politics of the IOC swindle awarded these games to a communist, er, I mean country run by a violent dictator.  In fact that the entire winter games have been ruled by corruption.  It is clear that the people of Sochi, except for the corrupt government stooges, hate that they were even picked for the venue.  The Olympic village itself, especially athlete accommodations are a shambles, and outside the village itself is a dangerous host city run by the Soviet, er, I mean Russian mob.  This city is also one of the worst areas in the country for ethnic and gender hatred and violence.

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Ukraine Repression

The entire mess shows how corrupt the IOC is itself, full of kickbacks and kiss up politicians.  The current games are a disgrace and just should have never been held at all.

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Siamo Innocenti

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Okay, here we go.  My subtext today is pissing off European Italians, so if you think this might offend you, go away now!

Once again the Italian justice system has shown how screwed up it is by convicting Amanda Knox and Raffaele Sollecito of the murder of Meredith Kercher for a second time, after being found innocent in-between!  I’m not sure what political agenda is involved in this other than Europeans, specifically Italian Europeans, who see this as a way to once again bash Americans.  What sort of pastafazoole is it that keeps retrying a person already found innocent?  Is the Italian criminal justice system as faulty as their government?

Anyone who has followed this nightmare knows that the Italians already have the murderer in jail.  There are so many detailed descriptions of how the murder actually went down and how non-existent the evidence against Knox and her then boyfriend is (plus the lack of any motive).  The Italian justice system tried to portray Knox and her boyfriend as some sort of drug crazed maniacs.  Look at the videos from the crime scene, do those look like hung-over drug crazed maniacs?

Now the Italians are trying to extradite Amanda from the US.  If the United States buys into this spaghetti farce it will simply go to show once again that the US justice system is just as messed up as the Italian justice system is.  Besides, when have we ever listened to foreigners, especially ones that don’t live here, much less let them tell us what to do.

I’m sure that most Italians also think this whole thing is a load of ravioli stuffing but the lawyers, judges, and politicians involved with this thing, plus anyone who is just in this as an American hater, isn’t fit to even be a spaghetti bender.

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How the NSA Steals Your Liberty

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National Security Agency Complex in San Antonio, Texas

Der Spiegel called it again and I’d never thought I’d thank the Germans for anything but the German press has done a better job of protecting the US citizens’ liberty and privacy than anyone in our own sorry press or government.  Anyway, here are two links, the first to the Der Spiegel article on how the NSA both steals your privacy and builds inherent flaws into your digital security so they can exploit your resources for whatever they want and also leave you vulnerable to attack.  The second link is to a talk by Jacob Appelbaum about why you should be very scared by this.

Der Spiegel Article

Jacob Appelbaum Presentation

Oh and you suckers that still use Yahoo, you deserve everything you get.

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Shunned

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It seems I’ve been shunned, cast into the dust bin of the blogoshphere.  This isn’t to be unexpected.  Great minds have always been unrecognized in their lifetimes and the fact that I warn you, the 50% that are below average, off the most important and mind expanding posts, for your own good I might add, just makes it harder to be heard and appreciated.

Maybe it is because so many of you have taken my advice and devoted your life to not caring about anything, always expecting the worst, and a D minus effort.  Maybe your spouse is pushing cheeseburgers under your locked bedroom door as you watch endless reruns of NCIS from your 11 season BluRay DVD collection.  Perhaps you’ve discarded your cell phone and landline and your internet connection to take yourself off the grid so the NSA cannot peep on your miserable little life.  You’ve given up that daily torture ritual you called fitness and sold your Nautilus machine and stationary bike and canceled your gym membership.  This means you’ve taken my advice to heart.  Maybe I should be glad I get so few hits and that your apathy is a testament to my persuasiveness.

I should have expected this; taken my own advice and expected the worst (for me personally).  At least you have lightened my load and I can quit doing all the heavy lifting here as you tell the friends that wonder what happened to you, why they never see you, about your new, better, lifestyle.  Perhaps this whole thing has gone viral but in a non-digital way, by old fashioned word of mouth.

I feel better now knowing that you have ceased to care that the Affordable Care Act insurance exchanges never work or that another government shutdown is looming in a few months, or that the Philippines are under water .  This means I’ve done my job making your life just a little better and that in turn makes my life just a little better as well.

Keep up the D minus effort and we’ll all make it to the grave just a little bit less stressed out.

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Shut It Down

government-shutdownWell they say the government is shut down but you couldn’t tell by me.  The television is still on and my internet still works so I can still download those “short” films I need.  I even got some junk mail today  Some guys were repaving a road near my house and the cops were still looking for speeders.  The Affordable Care Act was up and running although a little clogged up by all those people that didn’t want affordable health insurance.  So what’s the big deal with the federal government shutting down?  Maybe we should take an extended holiday.  I hope the tax man is sitting at home saying:  “I’m screwed because people didn’t send in enough taxes.”  That’d serve him right. us-national-park-service-yosemite-closed-230x300Somebody told me the National Parks are closed now.  So what?  Give ’em back to nature or better yet the Indians they stole them from.  Just pack up and throw the keys to the nearest reservation and say, “sorry we ruined part of it.”  Nobody really ever wanted to hike or bike or raft or camp in them anyway.  People just say they want to do that kind of stuff to impress their friends but they really wanna watch TV.  I bet the Indians would take better care of it than the federal government did anyway.  Pull up all the asphalt and make it nice again.

I read that the Post Office is $6 billion dollars in the hole too.  I don’t get this.  First why didn’t they already shut down like yesterday with a debt like that?  They were already out of money before the federal government was.  They could just pile all the stuff behind the post office and you could wade through it to find your stuff, your credit card apps and such. Depression

Nobody who actually wants to get something ever mails it anyway.  They use those UPS or FedEx outfits.  I know that only the post office can deliver a letter but not if you put it in a little box first.  Then anyone can deliver it.  You can just say you’re sending some paper to your grandmother and off it goes.  Besides people like getting a box to open instead of just an envelope.  It’s more exciting.  These other outfits can’t put anything in a mailbox because you don’t own it, the Post Office does!  Did you know that?  So the UPS dude has to come to your door just like the Post Office used to, that way it’s kinda like the good ol’ days anyway.

UPSNobody is gonna miss the junk mail either and and it saves a lot of trees.

Anyway the federal government looks like it’ll be shutdown for awhile and that’s not necessarily bad.  Think of the traffic in D.C. that will free up.  Everyone can go on vacation before it gets too cold.  A lot of people like me probably won’t even notice for a long time.  Eventually things like the Hoover Dam and stuff will fall down if no one takes care of it but I bet some savvy power company will buy it.   The War on Drugs will have to be sidelined and eventually the military will have to come back to the US just to save a few bucks.  Who’s gonna pay for that one way ticket home?  I guess they could just tell everyone, “you’re on your own, do the best ya can.”  The people in the military could probably get enough money by selling their weapons and stuff for a ticket home, especially if they shared. Embassies would be a little more difficult but they are usually in the better neighborhoods so you could sell them and probably get everyone home even from crappy countries. The immigration problem will take care of itself because when all the illegals realize the government is shut down they’ll leave because they can’t get any benefits anymore.

I dunno, the more I think about it the more I think we should just leave the federal government shut down.  Those guys we all voted for never did anything we really wanted anyway.

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