IPA My Ass

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Pretty cool, two April Fool’s jokes on the same blog?  Woot helped me out, but I did most of the heavy lifting.  You saps went for it hook, line, and, sinker!  All around the world even!  Did that make my day, or what?  I told you I’m putting in 110% for you and there you are, proof positive.  Your dreary world got that much brighter because I put down the US government spies in a daft way and slipped (pun intended!) that Rhonda Shear bra thing in as well.  Wasn’t that a hoot?  I even thought about buying one myself just to show Woot my appreciation, but I’m not that dumb or wealthy.

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No May Day posts though.  It’s a communist pagan holiday like Labor Day.  We don’t go for that here.  Communism is like an enforced D minus effort and Liberty is what we are about; even if everyone would be better off in a D minus world.  If you are stupid enough to not follow my easy, I mean easy, like no effort at all, life principles, well that’s your problem and I’ll defend your right to choose that desperate way of life all the way to the point where I have to use you as a human shield to defend that principle.  Like I’ve said before, I’ve got your back even if you choose to be a human sandbag for me.

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Whoa, steady in the boat there boy.  I got a little worked up.  Someday I’ll tell you why communism is the only thing worse than rampant capitalism as a world system (I know one is economic and the other is political, I’m not a ‘tard).  Some other day when you are ready for it.  Not now.  All things in good time.

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Okay here is another heads up and on-target essay so pay attention, no napping. The swill we used to call Malt Liquor is now referred to as Ale.  Yeah, the high alcohol content brew that was for low-down drinking is now being foisted off on the public under designer and “craft” brew labels as India Pale Ale.  Now I don’t drink anymore ’cause it interferes with my ability to try to make your life better, but I used to drink, a lot, and you can make of that what you want but right now today it makes me better than a swill-head like you so listen up.

When I used to buy a case of Mickey’s in college people gave me a hard time.  They said I was going downscale ethnically.  Being a man who ignored the bigot, I bought it anyway, better buzz, better value.

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Well some bootleggers keen on evading government taxes got the bright idea if they could convince lawmakers to waive the tax on “amateur” brewing for “home” use it would be a good idea, for them.  No doubt some grease was applied.  ‘Nuff said.

Then these so-called home brewers wanted to share some of their 20 proof bathtub jack with their “friends,” and maybe serve some ribs on the side, so voila, the brewpub was born, again tax free with a little more lubricant applied. Now these clever entrepreneurs figured if they could convince the gullible, ie you, that this brew pub thing was upscale, then they could pick 5 bucks off you for a glass of their hooch.  They quit calling it just beer and created the craft lager and ale market.

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From there it was just a matter of scaling things up and signing up more rubes (with some more grease, of course) to buy their dishwater basement brau in the supermarket or gas station.  All that for what we used to call cheap malt liquor. The stuff is nasty, bitter and sweet flavored at the same time.  Then they started throwing apples, blueberries, oranges, and similar adulterants in to get the ladies onboard.  Chumps and snobs.

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Now you can’t get a Budweiser in a bar for all the taps that are dedicated to these and other “imported” (from Canada) bathtub gray water beverages. Well, you can just drink this overpriced crap with dead rats in it if you want.  If I want a malt liquor, I’m getting a Mickey’s or a Cobra, something that burns going down, not something that gives you a sinus headache and makes my breath smell like Chanel No. 5.  Go for it, it’s not my money.

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I’m working up a Wiccan article for Walpurgisnacht, April 30, so just be patient, and if I don’t give you one, well if you are following this blog you are also used to being disappointed, and you expected as much, so it can’t get any worse now, can it? Have a Nice Day!  Go pop one for me.

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